.Hello Self, Hello You.

I'm here today.

Like you or me or anyone else on this earth.

Everyone here learnt to know that,
We,

walked from the past till today that is who we are now.

We are brought up by vast experiences, as well,

encountering a good taste of trial and errors. 

The taste of life that goes on 

till the day we kiss back the ground of mother earth.

I'm just 23 where it is due-ing in coming two months time.

I'm still so young in the eyes of most people around me.

I have learn that life is such a great book of story.

Every single person is a walking story of their own.

But how much do we care?

Looking back to the past,

looking back to the phase all of us have been through,

the courage we took to make a change that you believed in,

believing that it will mean the best for you.

What are the regrets that you had?

What are the things you feel grateful for?

How much have you seen in your life?

How many things have made you felt amaze and alive?

Will you want to go back to change everything all over again?

For the last question,

I can firmly says a big no.

I know,

how much it can make us a better person if there is a way 

for human to work it all over again by getting the time back.

Fixing things up.

I guess and perhaps,

that is how "karma", "past", "history", "legend" gets into the dictionary.

I couldn't believe that I am here where I am typing these words to myself again.

As always,

I am amaze at myself with what I'm capable of doing.

How much I'm capable of messing myself up.

How promises I have made for myself

can make me stay as it is or even betray me.

How is the expectation I'm giving or other's on me,

will affect the way I'm living my life.

All these humans thingy.

So much....

I believe the list will keep on going.

Without even waiting for December 2014 to arrive,

oh well...

I'm here to say goodbye to my old timid self whereby, 

I'm not :

Standing strong enough for what I want.

I'm afraid of losing.

I'm giving insignificant expectation to my used to be other half,

as well to myself and family.

Being too pure in my first relationship,

Taking intolerable amount of other people's impression in my own life of

my outlook, thought, response, decision...

heck they are the people who do not even significant in my life!
And that goes to not being myself,
not being at myself when I should.

Thinking "it is not worth the risk" 

and losing my youth & precious time that worth even more.

Fear of uncertainty and insecurity that keep striking myself 

when I let the impression of people around me to get in my life.

Oh gosh, just so much of those insecurity...

Not being able to speak for myself when the time is right.

Letting the good opportunities to slipped because 

I want the any other to feel good.

Betraying my feelings and thoughts.

Guts feeling as well to be honest.

Afraid of questioning whenever it is possible.

To be laughed at being stupid and silly.

Having more friends outing session.

Taking an adventure, all aloneeeee.

To be daring, YES, that is all what we need, that courage.

So much my dear.

The list is enormous.

But I'm really glad,

super duper hyper glad I am able to list all these out.

When you know you are capable to distinguish things,
no matter good or bad things in your life,

It at least meant that somehow you knew where

you have been and knew you had learnt a little life lesson.

All these will let you know

what you would prefer in your life.
This,
 is where you build who you are.

So go on and choose a life choice and decision 
that meant something to you.

That you will feel happy and satisfy even though it may fail big time.

Well you just know,

even if it fails big time,

you can climb back up faster than anything else you do without passion.

Ask yourself,

what is up in your mind when you read this piles of shit in my blog post people?

I can't be sure what is up on your mind,

but I'm very sure that something is up,

of things that is bothering you at this moment of life.

Think back for now,

Will you be really glad if you start to making changes,

and will it hurts if you do?

How much will it takes to make it happen?

How many people's asses will get hurt?

Worth the hurts for them?

Of your life?

For the future?

Try to live your life in a way that you will not regret years of useless

virtue, and inertia, and timidity. Take up the battle. Take it up! It's yours.

This is your life. This is your world.

-MAYA ANGELOU-

I know there are so many thing up ahead waiting for me now to go through.

But hurting asses and self-esteem is one of those shits we gonna keep going though.

Especially from the expectation, perspective of people and society that what we are up to now.

I'm not sure of how thing would end up.

But for sure I know if I don't try and keep staying the same,

it ain't benefit me much either.

I can say that we can only make our life best of the best we can ever imagine.

Trying to realize what you wanting so much 
that creeps the hell out of you and  making you miserable when you don't.

That much of wants and push within yourself

that makes you think every single night,

making you befriend with insomnia.

I'm trusting you,

I'm trusting myself again.

H E L L O . S E L F

dreamie land ....